I blame Anne Rice. Never mind that I’ve never read any of her books, and my knowledge of her basically stops after, “wrote about vampires, found religion, wrote about Jesus.” She started it, this whole vampire craze. I used to be a fan, but enough is enough. Sure, vampires have been popular fodder for ages, but once you slap a pair of fangs on Brad Pitt, you can kiss the scary bit goodbye.
There used to be standards, you know. There used to be rules. No sun, no garlic, a stake to the heart and kaput. Burnings were good, as were decapitations, and you were safe so long as God was your co-pilot. Vampires were evil, blood-sucking fiends from places like Romania, they owned castles and could turn into bats. They lived in shadows. They had style, but not necessarily sex appeal.
Now days all we’ve got are a bunch of castrated Hells Angels who mope around and whine about being monsters – and they’re everywhere. They don’t drink from humans or practice polygamy, they can take long walks in the park under the sun, chow down on pesto pasta, and attend Mass on Sundays. Why not just make up a new name for these sparkling vegetarians, because they sure as hell aren’t vampires. If you want to ignore the rules so that your undead hero can get into your heroine’s pants, fine. Just please stop pretending that these guys are any more dangerous or alluring than a biker in a leather jacket.
They have feelings. They fall in love. And, like penguins, they frequently mate for life, though they don’t seem to be keen on sharing their immortality with their true loves, resigning themselves to centuries of celibacy and emo rock after their human lovers wither and die.
We get it – vampires are the ultimate bad boys, the ones every girl in her heart of hearts wants to tame. Fine. Then they should really be bad. None of this, “I want your blood, but I respect you too much to drink it.” They should be trying to sink their teeth into young virgins left and right, until you’re forced to smack them across the nose with a newspaper like a misbehaving puppy. Modern vampires are always trying to control their ‘primal instincts,’ but why? They’re not supposed to care what other people think of them, they’re vampires.
They don’t even make effective bodyguards because they’re too busy worrying about their damsels in distress, who are inevitably being tortured by the ‘bad’ modern vampires. Despite having centuries of life experiences and chances to adopt hobbies, these vampires are rather…boring. It’s all about the sex, clearly. That’s why vampires are everywhere now, because they’re sexy. Is one fat, bald, blood-thirsty vampire too much to ask for?
It’s not hard to see where the vampire myth and sex became inextricably intertwined; the symbolism of puncturing a woman’s jugular and sucking out her life force isn’t lost on me, but that strong embrace and those color-changing eyes also come with possessiveness, mad jealousy, and a side of stalking, which are not particularly attractive qualities.
If we’re going to keep going with this ‘vampires are dead sexy and secretly cuddly little puppies’ motif, we could at least try a new spin: a female vampire in love with a human male. He wants to watch football, she wants to bathe in the blood of virgins – they’re the ultimate odd couple!
Either let the vampire thing rest in peace, or give us one that hasn’t been neutered.
Ah, Twitter. To some, a sign of the end of days. For others, like myself, it’s a fun way to waste time and “meet” new and interesting people. Like my friend @rachlanger, who decided to write a thriller in three days. A couple of her followers thought that was a really good idea, and now we’re engaged in the 5 Day Feature, which, as you can probably guess, means writing a feature-length screenplay in five days.
When you get out of school, forcing yourself to finish things is often hard, which is one of the reasons projects like NaNoWriMo exist. Without deadlines, I have no incentive to bring my stories to an end, and then inevitably bemoan the fact that I don’t have enough in my portfolio. So when this challenge came up, I jumped at it, hoping that by hook or by crook, at the end of this week I’d have a completed screenplay to shop around.
Read the rest HERE. Those of you who follow me on Twitter might have noticed that the 5DayFeature has become the 7DayScreenplay, but the principle is the same.
As any great hero knows, quests ain’t easy. There’s all sorts of literal and metaphorical beasts to tame, but knowing that doesn’t prevent one from wanting to bash one’s head against the helm over, and over, and over when the wind stops blowing and the ship just sits dead in the water.
After a month of smooth sailing, filming for Quest for Comic-Con was beset by troubles, beginning with lost footage and culminating in the departure of half our crew and his equipment. Essentially, we’re stranded. More to the point I’m angry and frustrated because there’s nothing I can do about it. This is life – and I’m a control freak. Not the world’s best combination.
Having already resigned myself to filming (and thus losing all my free time) well into August, I’m less than pleased about the interruptions to our film schedule which could push filming on indefinitely. However, I did not go through all this just to give up, so somehow, some way, we will continue.
I just want to thank all our family, friends, and fans for your support so far, it’s been extremely gratifying and encouraging. We will prevail! And even though I don’t know when Quest for Comic-Con will be making its official debut on blip.tv or YouTube, keep spreading the word. Expectant viewers are a great incentive for not just giving up and going home.
My offer still stands: anything you want to know, just hit me up and I’ll be happy to answer.
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What am I talking about? Why, the #5dayfeature, of course. It all started with Rachel Langer, one of my new Twitter pals, and her decision to write a thriller in three days. A couple more of us jumped on the bandwagon and we agreed to give ourselves five days to write a feature-length screenplay in the genre of our choice, encouraging each other and offering whatever’s needed, be it criticism, caffeine, or kudos.
I signed up in the hopes that I could actually churn out another screenplay to add to my sorely lacking portfolio. I’m not going to get hired as a script doctor if I don’t have proof that I know what I’m doing, and the only complete script I have isn’t very good. So here goes, follow along with me, won’t you?
IN THE BANK – When a computer programmer discovers his new boss has been embezzling from the company, he decides to take justice into his own hands – and the only person who can help him pull it off is the charismatic bank robber who once took him hostage.
Dear Writers of “The Girls’ Guide to Comic-Con,”
I was pointed in the direction of your article by a friend on Twitter, and just have a few comments: I’m a girl. Have been all my life. I’m also a geek. Please note that these two things are not mutually exclusive. The declaration that ‘Comic-Con is not just for nerdy boys anymore’ isn’t exactly a newsflash, and kind of ticks me off. More than 125,000 people attended Comic-Con last year – it’s a pretty safe bet that they weren’t all male. Hm, how do I make this clear? The girls who go to Comic-Con already know what they’re going for, even the first-timers, so you don’t have to reassure them that, in the event they wandered in on accident, there will be plenty for them to lust over.
Girls can be nerds too. Nerds, dorks, geeks, losers, whatever you want to call us, we exist, and moreover, we’ve existed for a while. Please stop pretending you’ve suddenly discovered our demographic. Not only has that note been played before, your article shows that you don’t actually understand what our demographic is.
Girls who go to Comic-Con don’t just go for the man-flesh. It’s certainly on the menu, but most, if not all, of us are interested in doing more than ogling the meat. If we’re going to shell out a couple hundred dollars on tickets, hotels, transportation, and food, then we’re going to want our money’s worth.
I can’t decide what amazes me more, that the LA Times is posting articles better suited to Entertainment Weekly, or that one of the women writing this article suggested that girls would flock to the Prince of Persia panel, begging to do laundry on Jake Gyllenhaal’s washboard abs. Seriously? Who doesn’t have a washing machine these days? I also love how she manages to quote Brokeback Mountain, but doesn’t bother to consider that gay men would be just as willing to do Gyllenhaal’s laundry. On his abs. Which I’m sure he’ll have on display during the panel. Hey, you know who else is in that movie that I’d go to see long before I ever stood in line for Jake Gyllenhaal? Richard Coyle. He was on Coupling, and he was hilarious. Probably doesn’t have washboard abs, though, so forget him.
Then there’s the Twilight sequel. Thank you for at least acknowledging the fact that “it’s not all just about the influx of squealing “Twilight” girls, either.” Except that when I got to the blurb about New Moon, I learned that apparently the panel’s on every girl’s to-do list because Edward and Jacob are shirtless in the movie. Not because they’ll be shirtless during the panel. Or even that they’ll both be there. While I’m sure a number of enterprising tweens will flock to the panel, they don’t generally have the disposable income to swing the whole weekend, so I have to assume that there will be some people lining up outside Hall H because they liked the books, not because the actors portraying the sparkly vampire and the pedophiliac werewolf are going to be partly naked at some future point in time.
Speaking of book adaptations, while I don’t have high hopes for the movie myself, I’m really impressed at how one writer managed to condense all the complexity of The Time Traveler’s Wife into a sappy romance. “Hapless conflict” indeed. I’m surprised she didn’t mention the fact that Eric Bana will spend much of the movie naked. Forget the fact that this film is based off of a best-selling novel. Forget questions we may have over the adaptation of a story about time-travel told in non-linear format. Girls could only be interested in the schmaltz between Eric Bana and “the wife.”
Could the people who wrote this article please give us some credit? I would not go to a panel on a Quentin Tarantino Nazi-scalping movie just because Brad Pitt’s in it. Especially when he’s got a stupid mustache and is supposed to be playing a Jew. Some women like the way Tarantino makes movies. Others don’t, and no amount of Brad Pitt is going to change that. It’s the same for men, you know.
This is a good one: “‘Alice in Wonderland’ alone would be a draw for many girls.” Why, exactly? Oh, because it’s a metaphor for a drug trip? Or maybe because we spend so much of our time drinking tea with crazy people and playing croquet with hedgehogs. I get it, because it’s about a girl named Alice, right?
Adding to that indefinable allure is “quirky hotness” of Johnny Depp, which supposedly seals the deal for girls. Yes, I know all about the pirate mania post-Caribbean. The likelihood of him showing up to Comic-Con? Slim. And if he did, why is it reasonable to assume that women would go just because he’s ‘quirky hot’? How about because he’s an Academy-Award nominated actor? How about because Alice in Wonderland is a Tim Burton film, and we love what he did with Sweeney Todd. Remember, that musical about the serial killer whose girlfriend baked his victims into pie? I wouldn’t call Depp hot in that one.
The endorsement of The Wolfman really threw me. While I agree with the sentiment of the blurb (I am so sick of vampires!) I don’t get why the remake is supposed to appeal to girls. If we go to this panel are we going to meet the werewolf of our dreams who will buy us flowers and chocolate once a month and then get out of our hair while he does his own wolfy thing?
It’s really insulting to be told that the only panels I, as a girl, could be interested in are the ones with beefcake. One of the writers actually implies that the reason to go to a panel on the adaptation of a beloved children’s classic is Mark Ruffalo. Nothing against Ruffalo, whose performances I usually enjoy, but I don’t think I’d call him “delish.” If I went to a panel on Where the Wild Things Are, it would be because I was interested in how they turned a picture book into a film. Those sorts of things interest me, you see, because I am a geek. I delight in finding Easter Eggs about the making of on Lost DVDs, not pictures of Josh Holloway in swim trunks.
Though let it not be said that the article focused solely on the pretty boys – apparently the “luscious-lipped holiness” that is Angelina Jolie (excuse me while I throw up a bit in my mouth) is an attraction for the ladies. The description of her movie Salt doesn’t even sound like something that would make it to Comic-Con.
There is an awful lot of use of the phrase “eye-candy” in this article. My personal favorite euphemism, though, has to be “hunky goodness.” Now, I know plenty of people who think Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are sex on a stick, but you know what? They also think Supernatural is a great show, well written and well acted, avoiding the pitfalls of other shows in its genre by staying true to the characters. That’s why geek girls go to the Supernatural panel. It doesn’t hurt that the boys are hilarious in person and genuinely nice guys.
“Battlestar Galactica taught us that there are girls galore watching sci-fi.” No, I don’t think it did, because if it did, you wouldn’t feel the need to suggest that the reason Caprica will appeal to girls is because it’s “Dynasty in space.” What about my beefcake fix, damn it? Well, I shouldn’t worry, because I can always slip into the panel on G.I. Joe – which I would otherwise avoid – to drool over Channing Tatum, former underwear model.
Excuse me? If I were tempted to see G.I. Joe (which I’m not, because I want Hollywood to stop raping my childhood), it would be for Joseph Gordon-Levitt or Christopher Eccleston (the Ninth Doctor!), men who can actually act.
And then finally we come to the “Girls Who Kick Butt” panels, in case we were wondering where they were. Apparently, the only ass-kicking females of note are Echo from Dollhouse and Sarah from Chuck. While I love Eliza Dushku, I would go to the Dollhouse panel for Joss Whedon, period, full stop, end of story, and not because I think he’s hot, but because I think he’s a genius and I want to simply stand in his presence. Sarah is indeed a kicker of asses, but the reason I’d go to a panel on Chuck? Chuck, a.k.a. Zachary Levi. Also because I love the show and love to hear what goes on behind the scenes, and because last time I went, I got a free t-shirt.
The swag – how could you forget to mention the swag? Oodles of free goodies just tossed right into your waiting arms. Couldn’t you make some inane observation about all the possible shopping to do in the Exhibition Hall? What about all the anime featuring extremely feminine men? Or the comic book heroes that are just waiting for their turns in the movies. Has anyone who contributed to this article actually been to Comic-Con?
The most egregious error in your girl guide, however, is the complete absence of information on how to land one of these marlins. If I’m vying with every other woman for Jake Gyllenhaal’s washboard abs, how am I supposed to compete? I mean, have you ever been in the middle of a geek girl debate of Heroes and The 4400? It’s very irresponsible to set up so many women for heartache without supplying at least a few suggestions for leaving San Diego with an engagement ring. You can’t possibly expect me to look at all those studmuffins and go home empty-handed, can you?
Love,
Hollywood Jane
P.S. While not technically incorrect, I believe you put the apostrophe in the wrong place, unless you meant for the guide to apply to groups of girls, as opposed to girls as individuals, in which case, my bad.
When I wrote Quest for Comic-Con, I had to be hyper-aware of our filming limitations. We have no budget, and are calling in every favor we have to put this thing together. Everything I put into the script had to be something I owned, co-producer K. owned, something I knew I had access to, or something I wouldn’t mind shelling out a couple bucks for.
So when I decided my character worked at a frozen yogurt shop, I knew there was no way I could pull off actually filming in one of the dozen fro-yo parlours in my neighborhood. Not without delving into the sticky world of ‘asking permission’ and what not. So, where could two female co-workers gather for a meeting of a clandestine nature? The women’s bathroom of course!
All I needed was an industrial-looking bathroom, and there just so happened to be one in my dad’s office building. We film on the weekends anyway, I figured all I needed was my keycard to access the building.
Some of the more obvious things just didn’t occur to me. It didn’t cross my mind, for example, that the gate to the parking garage would be down, resulting in many trips up and down the elevators to let my actors and crew into the building, earning strange looks from the security guards and parking attendants who probably thought I was plotting some sort of heist for the bank downstairs.
It didn’t occur to me that the toilets in the bathroom flush automatically, so that when our sound man stood on one to get the boom mike into position, every so often there was a deafening flush. And then there was the point where a woman came to use the restroom, and our male camera crew attempted to hide in the stalls.
I am occasionally an anxious person. I live in fear of getting into trouble, so when I’m doing something that, while not strictly illegal, is possibly frowned upon, I get really tense and uptight. Not pleasant for me or anyone around me, I’m sure. I could not wait to be finished filming in that very echoing bathroom. It was really starting to feel claustrophobic, and it’s a good thing I was supposed to be pissy in the second scene; I could pretend I was just getting into character.
On the plus side, I got to walk around looking like the victim of a mugging, which was fun.
Quote of the Day:
“The sound of the toilet flushing will haunt my dreams.” – my co-star for the bathroom scene, via Facebook.
Filed under: Scribophile
People give me funny looks when I tell them that I didn’t intend for Character X to drown in that swimming pool, but Character Y insisted on pushing Character X in – and Character X can’t swim.
I love to talk about my writing, but it’s so rare to find a truly appreciable audience, someone who actually understands when you say that you had to start from scratch because your antagonist decided he wanted to be the PoV character, and your heroine just refuses to play ball. Most people who claim to want to know about my writing, in fact tune me out almost as soon as I start explaining. Which is unfortunate, since my writing is one of the few topics I get really impassioned about, but I’m sure all they hear when I speak is some kind of incomprehensible mumble.
Read the rest HERE.
"There's a Chinese family in our bathroom."
Last night I saw a screening of (500) Days of Summer at the Westside Pavillion Landmark, figuring that it was free and who knew when I’d have the time to see a movie again. Plus, I like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. To my mild surprise, I really liked it. It’s charming, it’s honest, it’s different, it’s artistic, and it has Matthew Gray Gubler playing someone other than Spencer Reid.
It’s also very much an “indie film.” (Spoiler Alert!)
You know what I’m talking about – it’s full of indie cliches. To begin with, the leading lady is Zooey Deschanel. I don’t hate her, I don’t even think she’s a terrible actress. I think she’s very good at playing Zooey Deschanel, that is, the indie chick. Wide-eyed, monotone, eccentric tastes, blunt speech, mod haircut, the whole package. It’s all she ever does.
Then there was the “background becomes hand-drawn” motif; the ubiquitous record store scene and name drops of alternative rock bands; the ‘we’re disaffected youths in our late twenties’; and, of course, the soundtrack full of ‘obscure’ musicians.
Fortunately its indie brand didn’t keep me from enjoying the sharp writing, Joseph Gordon Levitt’s vulnerability, and the unusual method of storytelling. There were some really laugh-out-loud moments, and I don’t want to ruin too much, but the fantasy-esque sequence after Tom gets laid had me practically falling out of my seat.
I definitely recommend it, though it won’t be out for a few months yet. Just be warned: this is *not* a love story.
Also, Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a guy who writes lame greeting cards, but is really an architect, which inspired this.
Designed by yours truly in Adobe Photoshop CS (original photography by Andrew Hanson)
Filming this weekend was a bust. We filmed some great stuff on Saturday, only to discover by the end of it that something was wrong with the camera, and everything we shot was no good. This was followed by Sunday where we got to our location, had all our actors present, got into makeup and costume, and then were told that the camera was busted and no amount of head-cleaning tapes were going to fix it.
On the plus side, Sunday proved (if I needed more proof) that we got incredibly lucky with our group of actors. They were all very gracious about the problem and agreed to come back next Sunday.
Promotion, promotion, promotion. That’s all that’s been on my mind lately. How do I spread the word with no budget or inherent skills for marketing? My biggest challenge is that it will be some time before the first episode is available – and somehow I have to maintain interest in the concept until then.
So in the mean time, please enjoy this teaser trailer:
Tell everyone you know, and be sure to join our FACEBOOK GROUP!
Filed under: Quest for Comic Con
From L to R: Mitch Guy, Adrian Merendon, Megan Christopher, Jamie Buxton, Michael Taber, Patrick Tamisea. Check out more photos on Flickr!
Filming is going well so far, a little slower than we’d like thanks to some sound and lighting issues, but we’ve already filmed four days and have about 3/4 of the first three episodes in the can. So far we’ve been amazingly lucky in having assembled a terrific cast and crew, people who have been wonderful to work with. Which is good, since my weekends have officially been swallowed well into August. Free time? What’s that?
One of the biggest stumbling blocks to writing and producing your own webseries is how to promote it. Yes, with the current social media craze it seems obvious and easy, but the fact is, everyone else out there has a webseries too, and it’s all too easy to get lost in the crowd.
Aside from simply wanting to get the word out about this AWESOME and TOTALLY AMAZING webseries, desperate as I am for my twenty minutes of fame (20’s the new 15, you know), I actually want to share the process with you, the audience. So here be my challenge:
What do you want to know?
Behind-the-scenes pictures will continue to roll in, visible on our Facebook page (which everyone should join immediately!) as well as our flickr photostream, but what other things would you be interested in seeing? Interviews with the cast? Character profiles? Ask me questions, and I will answer, like your very own Magic-8 ball, but less cryptic.
Also, I have plans for a contest to see who can identify the most pop culture references scattered throughout the series – there are a lot, I crammed everything I could think of in there. I’m not sure what the rules or prizes will be yet, but stay tuned.
