Today’s post is brought to you by maids milking (in this case, milking yaks) and swans swimming.
On the…something day of Christmas, something, something…
Darn, and I was doing so well, too. Oh well, a quickie before I fall asleep. One of these days I’m going to have to do a full write-up on the evolution of Dollhouse, but I think I’ll wait until the finale. Given the time I’ve devoted to blogging these days, though, I should probably get started if I actually want to finish it.
The ‘cult’ referred to in the title is the Cult of Snuggie ™. Technically, I’m not sure if it’s a Snuggie or a Slanket ™, since I didn’t pay for it. This is that magical time of year when various vendors send logo-ed items to their clients, and today the DVD department at my office received the QVC favorite. One of my bosses didn’t want his, and handed it off to me. (As a mere intern, I had not received a gift bag.) It’s a tasteful navy blue, and we all modeled our Snuggies and posed for a picture.
The Snuggie can now join my Uggs on my list of ‘Things I Swore I’d Never Own Because They’re Trendy.” Also on that list is Arrested Development.
Join me again tomorrow (when I’m actually awake) for Tips for Surviving the Holidays.
On the fourth day of Christmas, Television gave to me:
(This post is brought to you by ladies dancing.)
I’ve been a shipper (n. – one who ’ships,’ or actively roots for two fictional people to hook up; from the word ‘relationship’) my entire life, before I knew it had a name. I live vicariously through fictional romantic relationships, and am quick to match characters in my favorite shows long before they ever interact. When those relationships see fruition I’m ecstatic; when they crash and burn, or are never properly fulfilled, storylines abandoned on the side of the plot highway, then I complain bitterly on the internet and retreat into fan fiction to ease my sorrows. (My favorite ships typically sink like the Titanic.) The pairs I root for aren’t always the leads, but chemistry can’t be denied. Here are just a few of my favorite television couples – including those who haven’t yet coupled.
Wesley (Alexis Denisof) & Fred (Amy Acker), Angel
As far as I’m concerned, Angel ends after the fifth season episode “Smile Time,” for that’s when Wesley and Fred finally kiss after years of UST (or, Unresolved Sexual Tension) and really unpleasant happenings, including betrayals and near-death experiences, not to mention several apocalypses. Of course, the episode was immediately followed by “Hole in the World” or as I like to call it, ‘Rip my heart out and put it through the blender as only Joss can,’ which is why I prefer to ignore the second half of the final season.
Both of their characters grew and changed tremendously over the course of the show, but they remained perfect for one another – just a couple of highly intelligent, socially impaired geeks, representative of most of the show’s audience.
Angela (Michaela Conlin) & Hodgins (T.J. Thyne), Bones
While Booth and Brennan have undeniable chemistry and I look forward to the culmination of their relationship, it’s the sweetness of the Angela/Hodgins pairing that wins me over every time. They just fit so well together, that it made perfect sense despite their opposite personalities. I’m still nursing a grudge over the fact that the two broke up for literally no reason at all. However, since it ’tis the season, I think I’ll choose to remember the good times, like their first date on the park swings, or how Hodgins proposed using bio-luminescent fish guts.
Castle (Nathan Fillion) & Beckett (Stana Katic), Castle
Though it will no doubt be awhile before these two crazy kids get together, what I like about this pair is the way they actually work together. Beckett may find Castle’s juvenile behavior annoying, but she makes more breaks in a case by bouncing ideas off him, or taking his lead and running with it. He challenges her to think harder, and she challenges him to think smarter. We get to have Castle’s charming, avant garde approach to crime-solving without sacrificing Beckett’s intelligence or skills as a detective. Sounds like a good partnership to me.
Piper (Holly Marie Combs) & Leo (Brian Krause), Charmed
Unlike many of the couples on this list, Piper and Leo got to have a happily ever after, though not without a considerable amount of angst along the way. First they couldn’t date because he was an angel (and technically deceased), then he became human, then he got his wings back, then he became an Elder which meant he had to cut all ties from humanity (which was rough since at this point he was married with a baby), then Piper had a second child who came from the future – first to break his parents up because of unresolved daddy issues, and then to get them back together for his conception – and then just when they were working things out, Leo was literally put on ice by Destiny (due to budget cuts) until Piper and her sisters saved the world again. Somehow, they made it through, and despite the magic and the demons, they portrayed a pretty realistic marriage with its ups and downs, and were the only romantic pairing to survive the entire show’s run.
Chuck (Zachary Levi) & Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski), Chuck
Season three should be interesting given that Chuck and Sarah finally reached an understanding in their relationship, only to have Chuck re-download the Intersect into his head (now with Ninja!action), putting him back in the role of ‘intelligence asset.’ Though now that he’s due to be trained as a real agent, Sarah won’t have to worry so much about letting her feelings interfere with protecting him. The writers have reset the board for this season, can’t wait to see what’s in store – and I hope that they don’t make these two secret agents suffer too much.
Jeff (Joel McHale) & Annie (Alison Brie) Community
A surprise pair that snuck up on me during “Debate 109,” and a much more interesting match than Jeff and Britta. I worried that the writers had immediately abandoned the exploration of a relationship between sleazy lawyer and (wannabe good guy) Jeff and uptight, repressed, over-achieving Annie, but according to a friend, episodes have been aired out of order, explaining why the ball was seemingly dropped in the following episode. It’s really amazing how the removal of a hair clip changes Brie’s appearance.
Danny (Carmine Giovinazzo) & Lindsay (Anna Belknap), CSI: NY
I was rooting for them as soon as he started calling her “Montana,” and knew it was love when he flew across the country to support her as she testified in court about the murder of her friends. I worried when Danny fell to pieces after a little boy who lived in his building was killed, and he started sleeping with the boy’s equally distraught mother, but the show seems to have retconned that indiscretion. Thank goodness Belknap got pregnant with her second child, or who knows what would have happened to the relationship. After eight months of giving Lindsay her space, but assuring her he was there for their child, Danny took her to the city courthouse and married her before she went home to Montana. After baby Lucy was born, I was sure the happiness couldn’t last, and when Danny was shot, confining him to a wheelchair, I figured it was the beginning of the end. Fortunately, having a wife and child got him back on his feet, and now I can only hope that the writers will leave the Messers alone.
Victor (Enver Gjokaj) & Sierra (Dichen Lachman), Dollhouse
What I love about these two (aside from the fact that they’re portrayed by brilliant actors) is that no matter what personalities they’re imprinted with, they always manage to find each other, and recognize the connection between them. Victor and Sierra are Joss’s answer to the question of soul mates. My only regret for them is that we won’t get to see how it turns out (though no doubt we’d get Jossed; i.e. it would be traumatic and devastating and one of them would end up dead.)
Crichton (Ben Browder) & Aeryn (Claudia Black), Farscape
I didn’t start watching Farscape until long after it had gone off the air, so I knew that Crichton and Aeryn were going to end up together before I put the first DVD in the player. What I didn’t know was how brilliantly the relationship would be explored, or just how happy I would be when they finally made it work. The actors have said that they knew from the beginning the show was a love story, and clearly they were right.
Zoe (Gina Torres) & Wash (Alan Tudyk), Firefly
Before he started playing really creepy killers, Tudyk was the loveable, comical pilot and Torres was his warrior wife. Can you say opposites attract? There were several other interesting relationships on board Serenity, but the bond between these two, and the reversal in typical gender roles, always stood out. Of course, Joss can’t allow any happy couples in his universe, so the movie took care of that.
Hardison (Aldis Hodge) & Parker (Beth Riesgraf), Leverage
Whether this will ever go beyond flirtation is unknown, but the obvious fascination computer hacker Hardison has for cat burglar Parker (whose grip on social constructs is loose at best) is fun to watch. They often seem like little kids with crushes, and though it’s doubtful they could ever function in an actual relationship, I’ll take what I can get.
Charlie (Dominic Monaghan) & Claire (Emilie de Ravin), Lost
I had these two lined up for matrimony before Claire even had a name and before the two ever shared the screen; I referred to her as the pregnant chick, and thought it would do drug-addicted Charlie some good to take responsibility for the baby. I must be psychic, because it wasn’t long before Charlie was bringing Claire tea and offering her invisible peanut butter. When he made his ‘Greatest Hits’ list before he died, I just knew Claire would be number one. Given that no one stays dead on the Island, I’m hoping for a big Deus Ex Machina for these two Losties.
Sawyer (Josh Holloway) & Juliet (Elizabeth Mitchell), Lost
I wasn’t going to do two from the same show, but this pairing really hooked me in. The two actors excelled as two people who bond out of necessity and realize they can only count on each other, and both characters bloomed without the dead weight of other love interests Jack and Kate. The quick reveal that Sawyer and Juliet were shacking up in New Otherton bothered some, but to me it felt like a natural solution; they gave each other stability and didn’t add to each other’s emotional baggage . If only Jack and Kate had stayed off the damn Island, Sawyer and Juliet might have been able to live a relatively happy existence as equal partners.
Jack (John Barrowman) & Ianto (Gareth David-Lloyd), Torchwood
Talk about having my heart pureed. When this relationship began it was kept deliberately vague, and started after Ianto revealed that he’d been keeping his half-Cyberman girlfriend Lisa in the basement of the hub – not exactly the best foundation. For a long time I was convinced that Ianto was plotting to hurt Jack in revenge for Lisa’s death, but fortunately the romance was real. Things got serious between them through Season Two when Ianto became the core of the team, and I loved their innuendo-laden banter, but I knew it was too good to be true when he stepped to the forefront in “Children of Earth.” Talk about devastating.
I understand the concept of using character deaths to heighten drama – I’m a die-hard Joss Whedon fan, after all, and he’s been doing it a lot longer than Torchwood- but the problem with Ianto’s exit was that it didn’t serve the plot in any significant way. Things were already dark and horrible and dramatic and doomed; I can’t really understand why the writers would want to take away what little was left. The show will be back for a fourth season, but I’m not sure I care to watch it without its heart and soul. I’m not the only one.
Today’s post is brought to you by lords leaping.
On the third day of Christmas, Television gave to me: A blast from the past – exactly one year ago today I posted my first Starpulse article on this blog. I thought I’d regift it. (And hey, I just found a website that linked to my original article last year; Merry Christmas to me.)
Every year around this time, holiday specials fall on network TV like snowflakes, a comforting blanket of tradition and familiarity. But while those classics may be festive enough for some, I prefer a more modern take on my holiday season. From the heart-warming to the hilarious to the possibly offensive, here are twelve holiday-themed episodes from some of my favorite contemporary shows that put me in the Christmas spirit:
“Forgiveness and Stuff” (Gilmore Girls, Season 1 Episode 10)
Though the foundation of Gilmore Girls is the inseparable mother-daughter duo, the magic of “Forgiveness and Stuff” lies in the flirtation between Lorelai and diner-owner Luke. They won’t get together until the fifth season, but this episode marks the real beginning of the relationship; not only does he drive her to the hospital after her father has a heart attack, but at her request for something ‘festive’ he makes a Santa-burger “with a hat and everything.” At the end of the episode she returns the favor, gifting him with the navy blue baseball cap he’ll wear for the rest of the series. Aw.
“The Santa in the Slush” (Bones, Season 3 Episode 9)
A number of procedurals have Christmas episodes involving dead Kringles, but Bones manages to mix the crime with just the right amount of Christmas cheer, keeping the story light despite the corpses in this spin on Miracle on 34th Street. Harken back to the good ol’ days when Angela and Hodgins were still together, and delight in U.S. Attorney Caroline Julian’s ‘puckish’ side which forces Booth and Bones into a long overdue smooch beneath the mistletoe. Yes, it gets a little schmaltzy toward the end when Brennan forgoes Christmas in Peru for Christmas with her incarcerated relatives in the conjugal visit trailer of the local prison, but I dare anyone to watch the credits roll without a smile.
“Ludachristmas” (30 Rock, Season 2 Episode 9)
Sometimes, you just want to watch someone tell it like it is. On this not-so-holy night, crazy sketch comedy star Tracy Jordan chafes against his court-ordered SCRAM anklet, Kenneth the Page tries to teach everyone the true meaning of Christmas with a prayer circle and a documentary about missionary work in Guatemala, while Jack’s mother decides to prove that everyone’s family is just as screwed up as theirs – including Liz Lemon’s. The moral of the story, I think, has to do with copious amounts of liquor and remembering that you can’t choose your relatives, or sell them on the black market.
“The One With the Holiday Armadillo” (Friends, Season 7 Episode 10)
Nothing like the joy of watching Ross attempt to interest his completely oblivious son in Hanukkah. While wearing an armadillo suit. Oy vey. And just when it seems like he’s making some headway with the whole menorah thing, Chandler, disguised as St. Nick, and Joey, dressed like the Superman, join in the fun. Frankly, I think it’s a miracle that the eight-year-old Ben doesn’t recognize his dad in the giant roadkill costume.
“How Lily Stole Christmas” (How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 11)
Though you can’t choose your actual relatives, you can choose your family. Unfortunately, sometimes you choose to call them a dirty word in a misguided attempt to cheer up a broken-hearted friend and nearly destroy Christmas. Using “Grinch” as a substitute for a four letter word that probably starts with ‘c,’ Older Ted tells his future children the tale of the year he almost had to spend the holiday with his über-religious cousins in Staten Island because Aunt Lily heard an old message he left on the voicemail referring to her in less than flattering terms. Nothing a free beer can’t solve.
“A Very Supernatural Christmas” (Supernatural, Season 3 Episode 8)
A Christmas story, but not for the faint of stomach. Mixed in with the hunt for a people-snatching anti-Claus are flashbacks to the Winchester brothers’ younger days that make you wonder how Sam got into Stanford with no primary school education. In the present, Dean wants to make the most of his last Christmas on Earth, but Sam plays the Grinch. He changes his tune, of course, after a run-in with two pagan winter solstice gods who think that just because they only eat three or four people a year, it’s okay. At the end, the boys go back to their cheap motel, exchange gifts purchased at the Gas ‘n Go, and watch sports.
“Xmas Story” (Futurama, Season 2 Episode 8)
In the future, Christmas will become Xmas, and everyone will live in fear. Santa is a highly explosive robot who finds everyone naughty, except Dr. Zoidberg, who gets a pogo-stick. There’s a Gift of the Magi gag, Fry buys a 500 dollar parrot (which escapes), and everyone endeavors to be home before dark because “Santa Claus is coming to town.” Much, much better than The Santa Clause 2, and way shorter.
“The Christmas Invasion” (Doctor Who (2005), Season 2 Special)
What would Christmas be without aliens, killer Christmas trees, sword fights, and satsumas? The first of the annual Doctor Who Christmas specials is David Tennant’s first official outing as the Doctor, and right away he captures your heart. A simple cup of tea revives him from his post-regeneration coma, and he battles alien invaders in another man’s pajamas. Though the snow that falls on London at the end is actually ash from the destruction of an alien spaceship, it’s undeniably beautiful.
“Fall On Your Knees” (Popular, Season 1 Episode 10)
Everyone loves A Christmas Carol. There’s something undeniably satisfying about watching the icy heart of a Scrooge melt into a big puddle, and this episode of Popular tells us that even the wicked, awful, nasty cheerleaders who make our high school lives miserable are secretly good people. Queen Bitch Nicole Julian gets a trio of visitors one Christmas Eve and decides she doesn’t really want to die alone. Maybe it’s unrealistic, but deep down we all want to believe that bullies just need a hug.
“Amends” (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 3 Episode 10)
If you’re sick of all the joy, and are looking for something with an edge in your stocking, this episode of Buffy might be just the thing. There are blind demon-priests underneath the local Christmas tree lot, Oz the werewolf turns down witch-girl Willow’s offer of…you know, and Angel, vampire-with-a-soul, gets tormented by the First Evil in a twisted version of a It’s a Wonderful Life. Then he tries to kill himself. But everything turns out okay when it snows for the first time ever in Sunnydale, California during a heat wave.
“The Christmas Show” (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Season 1 Episode 11)
For some real, last minute merriment, watch Studio 60 attempt to put on a Christmas show in the heart of Los Angeles. Jewish Matt Albie’s Christmas spirit cannot be denied, even when the prop snow falls victim to an earthquake, forcing them to improvise with coconut. Even when he discovers his ex-girlfriend had lunch with his arch-nemesis. Even when the entire writers’ room comes down with a case of the bah-humbugs. There’s some kissing and declarations of love, and the show ends with a really beautiful performance by real New Orleans musicians displaced by Hurricane Katrina.
“Santa Claus” (Mystery Science Theater 3000, Season 5 Episode 21)
When you’re done with the Christmas cheer, and you’ve had a little too much eggnog, join Mike and the ‘bots on the Satellite of Love to watch Santa battle Satan on the streets of Mexico. Santa Claus is a Mexican kids’ movie about child labor and forced merriment – perfect fodder for the SoL crew, who find time to give gifts and sing a song about tolerance of all cultures amidst the mockery.
Today’s post is brought to you by pipers piping.
On the second day of Christmas, Television gave to me:
I work for a home entertainment company that (among other things) specializes in bringing shows to DVD that have been held up because of music licensing issues. Sadly, the following TV shows still aren’t available to the masses for reasons unknown, but I’m putting them on my Christmas list, just in case Santa reads my blog.
Square One TV (1987)
Best remembered for the segment “Mathnet” this was a sketch comedy show about, well, math. It was so 80s, and it was awesome. So. Many. Puns.
Mathnet Narrator: The story you are about to see is a fib, but it’s short. The names are made up, but the problems are real.
Family Matters (1989)
How is this show not on DVD already? Steve Urkel, love ‘im or hate ‘im, is a pop culture icon, and before that got out of hand, the show dealt with some important issues in a good, heart-warming way. And the fact that Laura eventually becomes engaged to Steve is a sign of hope for nerds everywhere.
Clarence: Yo, you a serious little nerd.
Steve Urkel: No, I AM a serious little nerd. You see, I use verbs. Verbs are our friends. They help move along our sentences.
Flash Forward (1996)
No, not that one. Back in the day, Disney had a simple little show about two best friends, and next-door neighbors, navigating the waters of middle school with their other best friends Christine and Miles. Before Ben Foster became Angel in X3, he was Tucker James, class clown, and before she climbed aboard Serenity, Jewel Staite was Becca Fisher, the good girl who desperately wanted to be popular. Everyone can relate to the lives of these adorable thirteen year olds, and it’s a breath of fresh air compared to Disney’s current atmosphere of sexually charged tweens.
Christine: Listen up, due to the fact that this whole thing is stupid, we’re going back to the original script, where Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the poor. Tucker is Robin Hood, Becca is Maid Marian, Max you are still the evil sheriff, and Jack, you are Friar Tuck, because I want to see you round and bald in a burlap sack. All of you, learn your lines and be back here tomorrow, capiche?!
Space Cases (1996)
Children of the 90s agree: Nickelodeon did television right. This was one of my absolute favorite shows, a sort of Farscape for kids. Five children who attend an interplanetary academy sneak ‘aboard a mystery ship, which is soon sucked through a spacial rip.’ Along with two teachers and a malfunctioning robot, they travel through space and have awesome adventures as they try to get home. Jewel Staite (Firefly, Stargate Atlantis) started her sci-fi career aboard the Christa as Catalina, before she swapped dimensions with her invisible friend Suzee.
Miss Davenport: As an administrator, Mr. Band, I believe in regulations and procedure. If you were to add those words to your vocabulary, Mr. Band, you could…
Catalina: Double it?
The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo (1996)
Another Nick success: Shelby (Irene Ng) was older, super cool, and a police trainee who solved crimes the cops wouldn’t bother with. What’s not to like? Plus she lived with her grandfather (played by Pat Morita!) in a bed & breakfast and had funny friends. This was back in the day when it was cool to be smart.
Cindy: You should tell Detective Hineline about Rick.
Shelby: I just wish we had more proof.
Noah: What more do you want? A note that says ‘I did it, love Rick’?
Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place (1998)
This is where I fell in love with Ryan Reynolds (The Proposal, Wolverine), long before he became a big-ticket Hollywood item and married Scarlett Johannsen; back in ‘98 he was just the loveably dopey Berg. Bonus points: this sitcom also featured Nathan Fillion before he became Captain Tightpants.
Sharon: Just because Pete brings her pizza doesn’t mean he’s delivering the sausage.
Berg: I never… want to forget that you said that.
John Doe (2002)
This show reminded me a lot of The Pretender, but a bit more other-worldly. The fact that John could only see in color when he saw a clue was a nice touch, and Dominic Purcell (Prison Break) definitely looks better with hair. I’m a sucker for mystery-of-the-week shows that have a larger, looming mystery behind them, and John Marshall Jones (Smart Guy) was great as the buddy cop.
Frank Hayes: Last time I went on a date was the opening night of Dances With Wolves. I had on MC Hammer pants and a gold earring.
Eyes (2005)
Tim Daly plays a slick, charming, private investigator with a high-tech firm on this ABC drama about beautiful people who spy on other, less attractive people for money. The show was witty and fun, a nice hour of escapism in the vein of Leverage, and full of talent like A.J. Langer (My So-Called Life), Rick Worthy (Battlestar Galactica) and Eric Mabius (Ugly Betty). Daly’s Private Practice co-star Kate Walsh even guest-starred as his ex-wife in the episode “Wings.” Twelve episodes were filmed, but only five ever aired in the United States (at least until Direct TV recently stepped in.) For those of us with regular cable, please, Santa, won’t you put out a DVD set?
Harlan Judd: Do you have a boyfriend?
Leslie Town: God!
Harlan Judd: That’s a weird answer.
The Class (2006)
I was just starting to get into this sitcom when it was canceled. The premise stretched my suspension of disbelief (who has a third grade reunion?), but the characters were fun, and watching the relationship grow between nice-guy Ethan (Jason Ritter) and wild-child Kat (Lizzy Caplan) was my favorite part. The show ended on a crappy cliffhanger, so can I please have the DVDs to relive the good times?
Ethan: (about Kat) But it makes no sense! Me and Kat? We’re total opposites!
Kyle: (sarcastically) Right, yeah, and how does it go? Opposites… are indifferent to each other? No wait, that’s not it!
The Nine (2006)
The second show which got me thinking that Tim Daly was taking Nathan Fillion’s title as television kryptonite. (Fortunately for both talented actors, third time’s the charm.) This buzz-heavy drama about a bank robbery and its effects on a group of hostages had a very impressive cast list, from Chi McBride (Boston Public, Pushing Daisies) as the bank manager, to Scott Wolf (Party of Five, V) as an unhappy doctor, to Kim Raver (Lipstick Jungle) the ADA, John Billingsley (Enterprise, True Blood) as a suicidal cubical rat, and Owain Yeoman (The Mentalist) as the conflicted bank robber.
At the time of its airing, ABC was still looking for the next Lost, but despite a compelling storyline, multiple timelines, flashbacks, hidden lives, and an overarching mystery, The Nine was not a show you could jump into in the middle, and eventually that killed it. Again, thirteen episodes were made, but only nine (ironic much?) made it to air, and now we’ll never know what really happened in that bank.
Jeremy: You want me to take this Sister Michael into a back alley somewhere and work her over a little bit?
Franny: You can do that?
Jeremy: I’m Jewish. I have no fear of nuns.
Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire (2009)
I didn’t expect to like this show when billboards started popping up around the city. It looked stupid. And it sort of is, but there’s another layer that’s clever, full of references to the genre that tickle a geek’s funny bone, and even if it tilts towards the crude (it’s Comedy Central, what can you expect?), the fact that they could pull off the fantasy genre on what must have been a miniscule budget makes it worth preserving. Also, Kyle Lendo (The Class) is hot.
The DVD of this was apparently discontinued, which surprises me since the series is only six episodes long , and seems like an easy moneymaker. There are a number of extras on the website that could be packaged on a DVD without difficulty, and as a Comedy Central program, I’d imagine it’d sell well. Then again, the show currently exists in Limbo – it hasn’t been cancelled, but there’s no sign of life.
Kröd Mändoon: It will take more than one arrow to kill the greatest general that ever lived. [General Gravius is shot several more times and speared] That will probably do it, though.
Anyone else have television shows they want to see on DVD?
On the first day of Christmas, Television gave to me:
This post is brought to you by Twelve Drummers Drumming – Shower of Love, which you’ll probably need after watching this episode.
Bones got off to an explosive – and disgusting – start Thursday night with their special holiday-themed episode, “The Goop on the Girl.” (Sometimes I think the writers try too hard to stay within their ‘The ____ in/on/with the ____’ formula when naming the episodes.) Yessir, opening with St. Nick’s mangled limbs really puts you in the seasonal spirit; nothing says ‘Merry Christmas’ like picking pieces of Kringle out of your hair.
While not quite as good as Season 3’s “The Santa in the Slush,” this episode does have its moments. Starting with the fact that the very first shot of the episode (Santa and his reindeer in front of the Christmas tree) is actually of The Grove in Los Angeles.
On the left, a screen capture from hulu, and on the right, a picture I took last year at the Grove during the holiday season. Look familiar? (Click to enlarge)
We open on a bank robbery already in progress. I have to say, the second Santa revealed the bomb strapped to his chest, I knew he was just the patsy. Sorry, Bones, Medium got there first. Most bank robbers aren’t prepared to blow themselves up since the goal is usually to make it out of the bank with the money.
While it’s nice to see Ryan O’Neal as Brennan’s dad again, his appearance is kind of sudden. He guilts her into having Christmas dinner at her apartment with an as yet to be determined spare relative from Minnesota. And I’m going to go with ‘ouch’ on the ‘when people spend Christmas alone it’s because nobody loves them,’ bit. Maybe it means they’re Jewish. Or Muslim. Or just want to do volunteer work in El Salvador.
Then Mr. Claus explodes, Booth becomes covered in evidence, and Brennan drags him back to the lab against his will. I enjoy a partially naked David Boreanaz as much as the next person (and his reaction to getting undressed by Brennan even more, not to mention Cam’s reaction to that) but they took the gag a little too far wheeling him across the lab to talk to the witness. Though the episode gets its first, ‘aw,’ when Brennan tells the witness that Booth is very hard to resist.
While Booth and Brennan go in search of the signal that triggered the bomb, we’re treated to a rather pointless scene between Sweets and his girlfriend Daisy, in which Daisy reminds us that Jesus was born in March (I thought he was supposed to have been born in Autumn.) They’ve both got a case of the bah humbugs, and no one cares, though we agree with Cam who’s about to yak over their cutesy netspeak. I really didn’t miss Daisy when she wasn’t in the lab.
On the trail of the radio signal that blew up Santa (in the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine), Booth pulls an Indiana Jones with a mysteriously appearing spool of copper wire, and takes down the antenna that’s broadcasting a very loud anti-capitalism message on the frequency that killed Christmas.
Booth interrogates the ex-military militant Communist, and we join the Brennans at the Royal Diner where Emily Deschanel’s sister Zooey steps in as Brennan’s Benjamin Franklin-quoting cousin Margaret. (Where they dreamed up that character, who knows.) The fact that the ‘cousins’ can’t find common ground in their dogmas is a nice little tip of the hat to the relationship between actresses, and evidence that Brennan isn’t the weirdest one in her family. Too bad they couldn’t include her brother Russ in the festivities.
Back at the Jeffersonian, Daisy delivers the partially reconstructed skull to Angela for identification. Angela begins to sculpt a face on top of it, and since the whole ‘3-D model hovering in a shower of gold’ has been her schtick since day one, I can only assume this old school flashback is an excuse for a holiday song and a way to eat up sixty seconds of screen time. Or the power was out. Which might also explain why Angela then has to hand-draw the man’s face rather than building one on the computer. (All I can think about now is, ‘Why isn’t she wearing gloves when she touches the dead man’s cranium?’)
Angela makes a face for Santa, and we move to Cam’s office and a surprise visit from her adopted daughter, who sees all the stuff Cam bought for Christmas and then declares she’d rather go to Hawaii with a friend instead. Cam tries (unsuccessfully) to hide her crushing disappointment. Michelle is kind of a bitch – I liked her better when she was played by the chick from Heroes.
Booth gives Brennan a little lecture about how you basically have to suffer your family no matter how annoying they are, and then they get a call saying that someone has identified their Santa as an exterminator. They break the news to his mother, who insists her son could never be involved in something like this.
Booth and Brennan discover more evidence on the cab driver who was taken to the emergency room, and want Angela to recreate the explosion. Hodgins hovers over Daisy because evidently he has nothing else to do. He discovers that the bomb-maker used a lightbulb and then takes off with material Daisy collected from Santa’s twelfth rib.
Booth drops by Brennan’s apartment and meets Margaret. He tells both women that they’re beautiful. Aw. He is struck by the uncanny resemblance. After he leaves, Margaret observes that “his eyes are too close together to be really handsome,” and Brennan comes to his defense with, “I have to admit, I find him pleasing to look at.” Aw.
Booth has another confrontation with the anti-capitalism maven, and then learns from Hodgins and Cam that the bomb’s signature belongs to a Malaki Wallace, who’s been quiet since he was released from prison. Cam makes a terrible pun about coming back with a bang. Wallace isn’t their guy, but he has a website – and a mailing list.
Daisy shows Brennan a deep puncture wound on their victim, and then x-rays that prove he had pronounced right-handedness (sounds painful), so he couldn’t have jabbed himself. (I’m not a forensic anthropologist, but just because I’m left-handed, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t jab myself with an instrument held in my right hand, if I were so inclined.) The piece of wire Daisy pulled from Santa’s rib turns out to have been part of a bike lock – the mechanism used to lock Santa into the bomb vest. Ta-da! St. Nick was a victim after all.
Hodgins straps a bomb to his chest to help Angela with her reconstruction (stealing all the soap from the bathroom), and Cam freaks out. She freaks out a little less when she notices the antimony sulfide on Hodgins’ fingers. She’s seen that somewhere before. They all rush to the evidence trays and pull out the fingernail clippings taken from the witness who wore Santa’s remains. Antimony sulfide. Turns out the witness built the bomb. What can she say? Times are tough, but she didn’t blow him up.
Angela shows Brennan her reconstruction on the big screen (I half-expected it to be made out of Legos), and the simulation reveals that even if the cab driver could move at super-human speed, he wouldn’t have had enough time to shield his face from the blast. He was reacting to the crackle of the radio that set off the bomb. He and the lady witness were in it together, picked the exterminator just out of the phone book. Booth explains that they met in a debt-counseling seminar, and Brennan tells him that their victim’s mother is planning to bury her son on Christmas morning. Alone. In what is probably the best moment of the episode, Brennan tears up at the thought of a mother having to bury her child alone, on Christmas. She tells Booth it’s heartbreaking, and she wants to go to the funeral. Booth reminds her that she’s always telling him the heart is a muscle, and therefore it can’t break, it can only be crushed. Then he looks at her (lovingly) and says:
“You know what, Bones, sometimes I think your heart muscles are bigger than people give you credit for.”
Aw.
In the car, Cam tells Michelle that she doesn’t want her to go to Hawaii for Christmas. They’re the only family each other has now, and family spends Christmas together. Even though Michelle is furious, Cam tells her that as a parent, it’s her responsibility to let Michelle know that she’s loved – even if it makes her angry. Michelle caves, and hugs Cam. Aw.
The rabid anti-capitalist makes one last radio broadcast, apologizing for his role in this mess, wishes peace on earth and signs off. After Santa’s funeral, the Jeffersonian crew head to Brennan’s for Christmas dinner. Sweets gives in to a little Christmas spirit, Hodgins and Angela have a moment over eggnog (I need more of them – especially given last week’s tattoo debacle), and Margaret almost cracks a smile when Brennan tells her that she’s more interested in hearing what she has to say than Ben Franklin. Brennan makes a very short toast, and Booth rescues it in a very couply moment.
The episode had a little too much sugar in its candy cane, and was a little sparse on plot, but at the end of the hour, it left me with a warm and fuzzy feeling, and that’s what really matters, right?
Ho ho ho.
Check out Part IV right here, or if you’re just joining the Quest, watch this convenient playlist.
And don’t forget to become a fan on Facebook!
From FunnyExam.com
You may have noticed I’ve been a little sparse in the blogging department lately. The reason for that is largely attributed to the fact that I’ve been working on material that I one day hope to profit from. Not that I don’t love my blog and my readers, but, well, a girl’s gotta eat, and believe it or not, I operate this blog out of the kindness of my own heart, gratis. (Shocking, no?)
So in the mean time, just to satisfy your curiosity (wink, wink), I thought I’d post an update on all my goings on – and enlist the help of the internets at the same time.
First things first: as I type this, Part IV of Quest for Comic-Con is rendering. Then it will do battle with YouTube, and hopefully be cleared by morning. We have all the footage for episode 5, and it will probably debut some time in January. TELL YOUR FRIENDS. Make my video viral. Help me achieve World Web Domination!
Ahem. I mean, well, it’s a nice little series, full of plucky characters, and it’s kind of humorous, and, well, there are a lot of pop culture references, and – and – pretty please with a cherry on top?
I’ve finally got an actual plotline for the sequel to my YA novel, The Practical Orphan’s Guide to Surviving a Fairytale, and I’m two chapters in. What I could really use from you, dear readers, is a list of horror genre cliches that really bug you. I’m not a terribly big fan of the scary movie genre myself (I’m a big chicken), so I could use some help in this department. It could be ‘axe-murderer/serial killer’ scary, or ‘ghosts/ghouls/demons’ scary.
In GRADUATE SCHOOL news (bet you forgot this was now ‘The Graduate Experience,’ huh?), my reading at Barnes and Noble two weeks ago went great. It was a wonderful evening with some really terrific writing from students in the MPW program. How could it not be entertaining – the topic was family. I had my own entourage/cheering section, but was most pleasantly surprised to be approached after the program and told that I was brilliant. (I paraphrase.)
My first semester as an MPW student at USC is nearly over, and I’ve hardly even touched the topic on this blog. The main reason, I’ll be honest, is that several of my classmates have easy access to this blog through Twitter and Facebook, and I don’t want to accidentally offend someone I might have to see on a weekly basis for the next year and a half. I like to be honest (I’ve beeen called ‘brave’), but I have no desire to be mean, even if it sometimes feels that way.
However, in my ongoing quest to teach others to avoid the mistakes I’ve made, I’m at work on an essay about my grad school experience, which will probably find its way here in the next month or so. Don’t worry, friends & relatives, graduate school is fine. Like any other experience, it has its good parts and its not-so-good parts.
- Good Part: Coffee Bean on campus in the School of Cinematic Arts courtyard.
- Not-So-Good Part: Having a hold placed on my account, preventing me from registering for second semester, because I might infect the campus with measles.
Speaking of good parts, after I was finally declared measles-free, I went on to register for a class in personal essay with Sandra Tsing Loh. I’m reading her book Mother on Fire, and laughing out loud. I’m sure I’ll love her class.
And here are two websites that I’ve been surfing when I could have been blogging: It Made My Day and Funny Exam.
Tonight I’ll be reading at the Barnes and Noble at the Grove with some of my fellow USC graduate students, and a featured faculty member. If you’re an agent, you should definitely come and soak up this talent (and by ‘this talent,’ of course, I mean me.)
I realize that my opinion will have absolutely no impact on the one solid success to come out of last year’s freshman class, but something’s been bugging me about The Mentalist, and if I can’t blog about it, where else can I turn?
I’m probably not going to stop watching the show because of this issue, but I’ll certainly continue to complain about it, and the reason it prompted its own post was that the issue itself was very nearly raised on the show. Namely: Patrick Jane is a menace to society.
Yes, Simon Baker is adorable, and we all love his witticisms as the former psychic/con man. Yes, as a procedural in a world of procedurals, some suspension of disbelief is required. Had a man like Patrick Jane really spent the weekend in County Jail, they would have had to scrape what was left of him off the floor come Monday morning. So forget the ridiculous plot devices – the show already maintains a healthy amount of self-deprecation (for example: Cho asking Jane how he managed to escape and find a change of clothes only to have Jane walk off in the middle of the explanation). What’s really starting to get to me is the idea that there are absolutely no consequences for the character.
I don’t like the bully that is Sam Bosco anymore than I’m supposed to, but the man kind of has a point. There are no boundaries for Jane, no matter how hard other people try to impose them on him. He even said it himself early on in the first season: he plans to kill Red John given the chance.
That’s not just the grief talking. Jane doesn’t simply ignore the rules, he purposely goes out of his way to step on them, knowing that he can get away with it. And why shouldn’t he believe that? No one’s managed to change his mind so far. The fact that Lisbon hoped Jane would learn a lesson from his stint in jail was ridiculous, especially since he played her and got her to free him anyway.
The problem isn’t that he does whatever he wants, it’s that he doesn’t even seem to recognize that what he’s doing is endangering others. The laws don’t apply to Patrick Jane, and what that does is take away the suspense. He can and will do anything, so there are no surprises. There’s no tension – especially now. He can’t get fired, he won’t get arrested, he certainly won’t get killed. He’s already lost his family – he has nothing left to lose.
What especially bothers me about the direction the writers have taken is that Jane, instead of coming off as a flawed, tormented, but ultimately sympathetic character, seems like a selfish sociopath, redeemed only by Simon Baker’s charm. He doesn’t particularly care about the people he works with, and clearly doesn’t need them. The rest of the CBI team is immaterial; their sole function is to show up and arrest people once Jayne’s solved the murder. (An article in this week’s TV Guide claims this Thursday’s episode will change that perception, so I’ll have to wait and see.)
It would be different if Jane showed some understanding that he’s living dangerously, that he’s breaking the rules, instead of acting as if rules are simply for other people. He has no self-awareness in terms of his reckless behavior, no moment of, ‘Yes, I know what I did was wrong, but I don’t care because I saved someone’s life.’ He never admits to being wrong.
That arrogance isn’t charming. Neither is the fact that he treats the rest of the CBI team like stooges who exist to be his playthings. There’s no partnership between him and Lisbon, no sense of equality. It’s actually hard to argue that Jane shouldn’t see himself as superior – he clearly is superior.
And that’s boring. It’s one thing to watch Jane manipulate the bad guys week after week, that’s entertaining. But to watch him manipulate his so-called team, and to have them take it and come back for more, really doesn’t show anyone in a flattering light. I’m not saying he suddenly has to become a team player, take a back seat to Rigsby, Cho, and Van Pelt (I get it, the man is a tortured soul), but since he has been working with these people for so long, you might think he’d have grown enough to actually communicate with them. After all, they’ve shown time and time again how far they’ll go for him.
I think one problem I’m having is that Lisbon seems to place enormous trust in Jane for something we don’t know about yet. It’s gotta be big. Otherwise, I just can’t accept that a confident, intelligent, state agent like Lisbon would suffer his games. I like his approaches to solving crime, that’s what works – what I don’t understand is why he has to keep his own superior in the dark about his plans. It’s not like she’ll say no, (or, even if she does, that he’ll listen). He’ll do what he wants anyway, so the writers should let Lisbon in on the plots. It would be nice for the agent in charge to actually have a clue of who she’ll be arresting in the final minutes, before Jane makes his big announcement – even if we don’t.
The show is unbalanced because Patrick Jane has all the power. It only took him seven weeks to break mean old Agent Bosco, and only a portion of that time was really spent trying. It’s only a matter of time before he gets Red John. He’s so brilliant after all, and there’s nothing that’ll stand in his way. So, really, other than Simon Baker’s charms and adorable good looks (and that moment after the credits when he says, ‘Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode,’ in his Aussie accent), what are we coming back for week after week?
(Beware the spoilers that might possibly be in this post; swim at your own risk)
“After all the hype for this episode,” I said last night, pointing to the commercial for this week’s episode of FlashForward, which was billed as ‘The One to See,’ “if it doesn’t blow me away, I’m giving up.”
“You give up so quickly!” my mother replied, half-teasing. I’d already given up on three shows this year, deciding they weren’t worth the effort.
“I don’t exactly have a lot of time to waste these days,” I replied, which then led into a discussion of my ability to watch old crappy sitcoms ad nauseam.
The justification for those viewing habits is easy – I don’t have to use my brain to watch old episodes of Whose Line is it Anyway on You Tube. I can do other things at the same time, and since I’ve seen most of them before, I don’t have to pay much attention. If a one-hour drama is going to demand my full attention during valuable evening hours when I’ve just arrived home from work or school, then it damn well better be worth my time. I watch TV to be entertained. If I have to really struggle to get through 60 minutes of television, then mission unaccomplished.
The hardest part, I’ve found, about giving up on television shows is missing out on the watercooler talk. Most of my friends are real TV mavens, and I hate to be out of the loop when we get together. Glee is one show I wish I could get into, if only because every one of my friends is a Gleek. I just couldn’t do it. It used to be that if I committed to a show, then I stuck it out, good, bad, and ugly. Of course, I used to have free time, too.
I think the first show I gave up on after watching for two seasons was CSI: Miami. I simply couldn’t stand David Caruso tilting his head to the side and promising young women justice in his sex-offender voice, and there were no other characters I was particularly attached to. Sadly I have to watch it this week, since CBS decided to go for a sweeps stunt and unite the three CSIs on one case.
I let go faster these days since I’m short on time, and I know that if I ever really wanted to get back into something, the DVD set would be out in no time. But a lot of it has to do with having been burned. There have been shows that I’ve invested in that have either gone downhill or were axed before their times. I’m looking at you, Heroes, you harlot. I gave you some of the best years of my life, and then you ended Season 3 with Matt Parkman, Mama Petrelli, and HRG getting together and deciding Sylar should become Nathan. That was the final straw for me. I just don’t really have the luxury these days to stick with a show and hope it gets better.
Then there’s the little issue of CTRL-Z. Too many shows are trying to recapture the magic of the good ‘ol days, before the critics turned on them, and put a reset button on the show. Take House, for example. After sitting through the 2-hour season premiere (which miraculously moved away from the standard template of ‘person comes in with weird symptoms, patient mentions something which will be key later, team diagnoses, team almost kills patient once, twice, three times, House has epiphany, patient is saved though possibly in worse shape than when arriving), I thought this season had potential. House off drugs, House trying to be happy, that could make for a new and interesting direction. Then Thirteen got fired and Taub quit, making way for the old guard to return. Yawn. I was over it.
I gave up on Stargate Universe after the pilot, despite being a big fan of the other installments in the franchise. Part of it had to do with this controversy (and this post, while not exactly impartial, raises a lot of uncomfortable issues I’d overlooked), and part of it was sheer boredom. I didn’t like any of the characters, with the possible exception of David Blue’s Eli Wallace, and it was trying so hard to be so many other shows that it fell flat.
The one new show I’m really enjoying this season is actually a sitcom, and the fact that four of my current top shows are sitcoms has me retracting an earlier statement that the half-hour comedy was a dying art form. Community earns my attention because it’s not over the top, it has a strong ensemble cast, and it really focuses on achieving what it sets out to do – comedy in a specific situation. Plus, there’s all the pop culture references.
Sadly, many shows I’ve come to rely on are coming to their end. Supernatural, which has only gotten better and better with time, has some of the smartest writers on TV. You know they’re sharp because they make it all seem so natural (pun intended.) Despite bringing about the Apocalypse, the show’s stayed grounded with the (often painful and co-dependent) relationship between two brothers we love to love. Last night’s episode was fantastic – tongue-in-cheek while furthering the show’s mythology.
Another show that has definitely shown signs of improvement is Fringe. I was severely underwhelmed by the first season which did not make enough of Joshua Jackson’s character and dialed Walter’s eccentricities up to 11. Fortunately this year, the death of Charlie (sorry, Charlie) allowed Peter to step in as Olivia’s partner and gave him the chance to show off those skills he used to fake his way into MIT. Not just there to look pretty and interpret Walter-speak. I also give kudos to the writers for not drawing out the PodPerson!Charlie storyline too long. It was a premise that would have gotten sweaty fast, fortunately they handled it well.
Castle is another show that’s stepped up in its sophomore season. The mysteries aren’t really any more complex, but the characters seem to have hit their stride, and Nathan Fillion is irresistible. Kind of amazing that this is the first show he’s done that’s made it past season 1.
I started this post because I wanted to write about V. In a season that has been fraught with ‘whatevers,’ I’d heard a lot of good buzz about the show that hasn’t had an easy time of it behind the scenes. Between scheduling changes, showrunner exits, rumors and gossip about the cast, I braced myself for quick cancellation. Fortunately V came out of the gate strong – if it can sustain (with four episodes due to air and then a hiatus until January), it’ll go far.
It was an action-packed hour, and the writers made an interesting choice to play with time – instead of following the chaos in the days immediately after the Visitors’ arrival, the show jumps three weeks ahead when everyone is getting used to the idea of aliens, and many don’t like it.
The cast is well-balanced, with no apparent divas or weak links. There’s something to be said for new talent, but I’ll always love seeing familiar faces whose work I enjoyed in the past. Though I miss Morena Baccarin as the hooker with the heart of gold, I completely bought her as the lizard queen, particularly enjoying the way she played the scene in which her character Anna walks through a crowd of reporters, and she feigns ignorance over Earth culture, before replying to Scott Wolf’s comment with a sly sense of humor.
I love Elizabeth Mitchell, and have since her stint on ER. Her character, Juliet Burke, quickly became my favorite on the Island, and so I had my fingers crossed that whatever part she was playing on this new series, it would ease the pain of her having fallen into a shaft on Lost, detonating a nuclear device, and presumably blowing herself up in the process. Fortunately, it has.
While I’m noticing a pattern in blonde FBI agents whose long-term, reliable partners turn out to be something other than human, and wonder why television insists on showing working mothers as neglectful, at least her role is significant and interesting. And if Alan Tudyk is going to be an apparently hard to kill lizard, then at least Mitchell and Joel Gretsch (an actor I’ve loved since The 4400) get to hang out together. Too bad he’s a priest.
I love shows that focus on different intertwining storylines, always eager to see how the characters will come together, but I have to say I’m a little tired of that device, and it was nice that V started things off by separating into ‘us’ and ‘them.’ I probably wouldn’t have liked it as much if the end of the episode saw FBI Agent Erica and Father Jack going on to fight separate resistances that we all know would eventually become one. This cuts to the chase. I like the motif of having one other person in the world you know you can trust.
Most of my favorite television won’t return until the new year: Leverage, Lost, Chuck. At least now that the World Series is over, Fox has brought back Bones (Wendell the Intern should get his own show). Then there’s USA’s lighter fare, like new favorite White Collar, Burn Notice (which starts its winter season soon), and Royal Pains. I’m ready to be entertained – bring it.
